Conversations
by
Suresh Ramskay
by
Suresh Ramskay
“JASON & BABY GIRL”
INT. JASON’S HOUSE / BABY GIRL’S HOUSE - DAY
THE FOLLOWING IS A PHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO INDIVIDUALS IN TWO DIFFERENT HOUSES. WE INTERCUT BETWEEN BOTH HOUSES DURING THE CONVERSATION:
JASON, in his early 20s, is a scrawny but fairly attractive fellow. He is topless, looks terribly unkempt, and has gag-inducing shorts on him. BABY GIRL, looking about the same age as Jason, is a pretty little thing. The cute young woman is wearing a tight T-shirt and sweat pants. Jason is in the toilet, urinating. His left hand is holding his cell phone to his ear, while his right hand is helping him urinate in the right direction. Jason speaks at a considerably rapid and chaotic pace.
JASON
Baby, you’re freaking me out. I’m trying really hard not to black out here. My heart’s beating so fast I think I’m gonna have a heart attack. What is it with you? Huh? I thought I was making you happy. I thought we’re a happy pair. The Awesome Twosome. I’m just not getting this, baby. You gotta talk to me. I’m just not understanding this sudden bitterness that’s coming from you.
Baby Girl is in her very ‘girlish’ bedroom. She’s sitting on her bed and unlike Jason, her full concentration is on the conversation. Baby Girl seems frustrated and is eager to hang up the phone.
BABY GIRL
It’s over. I’ve had enough. I’m through with you. What don’t you understand about that? This relationship isn’t working for me, Jason. I want out.
Jason flushes and walks out of the toilet.
JASON
You’re telling me you want out. You’re telling me it’s over. You keep telling me what you want. But you’re not telling me why you want it. You can’t tell me it’s over without giving me a reason. Give me a reason, Baby Girl.
BABY GIRL
Jason, stop calling me Baby Girl. It’s so nauseating.
JASON
Is there someone else? Are you in love with another man?
BABY GIRL
For God’s sake.
JASON
There is someone else, huh? I knew it. What’s the fucker’s name? Give me his address. I’ll butcher his dick.
BABY GIRL
There’s no one else, Jason!
JASON
So, what the fuck? What’s your problem?
Baby Girl gets out of bed and walks to the window.
BABY GIRL
My problem is you, Jason. I’m fed-up and tired of you because all you wanna do is have sex.
JASON
Come again?
BABY GIRL
You wanna have sex with me all the time. All the time, Jason. I’m so sick of it. We’ve been together for only eight months now, but already, making love to you feels like a chore. Every time we do it, I’m so tempted to charge you for it. I feel like such a whore.
JASON
After all we’ve been through, this is your reason for wanting to split up with me? Just how did that zippy brain of yours manage to convince you that I wanna have sex with you all the time? All the time? What do I look like to you? A human dildo? Born to fuck? All the time? You are being so unfair. Understand this. I don’t wanna have sex with you all the time. That’s ridiculous. I just wanna have sex with you when I get to meet you.
BABY GIRL
It’s the same thing.
JASON
No, it’s not.
BABY GIRL
(frustrated)
Oh my God! Jason, this relationship, at some point in our eight months, was all about sex to you. We never get to talk. You never want us to talk.
JASON
That’s some bullshit you’re giving me. We always talk over the phone. We text each other. We chat online. We exchange e-mails. And then there was this time when you wanted us to write each other love letters. That was some weird shit, baby. But I did it anyway cause you wanted me to. We talk so frequently, we should have our own talk show. For crying out loud, we’re talking right now! And when we actually find the time to meet up, we have to keep talking?
BABY GIRL
I would like to have a face to face conversation with you, Jason.
JASON
Baby, why do you think I got us those webcams?
BABY GIRL
To have online sex?
Jason is stumped. He hesitates...
JASON
Well, that was my initial intention. But...
BABY GIRL
Jason, stop it. I’ve had enough. I’m done talking to you.
JASON
Baby Girl, just hear me out, alright? Just listen to what I have to say.
BABY GIRL
This conversation is over.
And with that, Baby Girl hangs up. She lets out a big sigh, glad it’s over.
Jason looks at his phone and gets really mad.
JASON
Fucking bitch!
Jason dials. Baby Girl’s phone rings. She ignores it. The phone keeps ringing for a moment, then stops. Just as Baby Girl gets ready to get on with her life, the phone rings again. She tries ignoring it, but it keeps ringing. Annoyed, Baby Girl furiously answers the phone.
BABY GIRL
Stop calling me, Jason. This is getting too pathetic, even for you.
JASON
Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to deserve this? Tell me, Baby Girl. Was wanting to have sex so wrong to you?
BABY GIRL
(frustrated)
Oh, Jason. Stop it.
JASON
Was it such a crime to take pleasure in making sweet sweet love to you? Tell me, Baby. Was it so wrong to wanna intertwine with the girl I loved deeply? Was it?
BABY GIRL
(sighs)
No, but...
JASON
Honestly, I don’t think you wanting to talk to me is wrong either. Putting aside all the things I’ve said earlier, I really do understand your need to communicate with me.
BABY GIRL
(very insincere)
Well, that’s good.
JASON
So why am I the one at wrong here? Why am I the bastard? Both of us want something out of this relationship and I have to pay for the consequences?
Baby Girl lets out a big sigh and slowly bumps her head on the wall a few times. She cannot take it anymore.
JASON (CONT'D)
We can be reasonable. Let’s think rationally. Let’s not make hasty decisions we’ll regret in the future. Okay? I agree with you. We should talk in person more often. I absolutely agree with you and I’m sorry I didn’t realize that early on.
BABY GIRL
Jason...
JASON
And we don’t have to have sex every time we meet.
BABY GIRL
(doubting)
Really?
JASON
Yes, of course! I’d be more than happy with just a blowjob.
BABY GIRL
You fucking idiot!
JASON
I’m being very fucking reasonable, alright?
[From this point on, we don’t CUT back to Jason. We stick to Baby Girl]
BABY GIRL
You just don’t get it do you? It’s always...
JASON (V.O.)
Hey!
BABY GIRL
What?
JASON (V.O.)
Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my house?
BABY GIRL
Jason?
JASON (V.O.)
Hey, what the fuck?!
And the line goes dead. Baby Girl is perplexed for a moment. She keeps staring at her phone. A couple of seconds later, she chucks the phone on her bed and opens a drawer next to the bed. She takes out a picture of her and Jason, looking miraculously happy together. Baby Girl gapes at the picture for a moment before RIPPING it apart.
“VINCENT & DANIEL”
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY
THE FOLLOWING IS A FACE TO FACE CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO INDIVIDUALS IN THE SAME RESTAURANT.
The restaurant is a typical Malaysian restaurant. Not too clean and not too filthy; never too loud and never too quiet; never too crowded and never too vacuous. VINCENT and DANIEL are best buddies both in their late 20s. Typical looking young men, they’re dressed casually and healthy looking. As human beings, they seem almost perfect. Almost. Vincent is the more domineering between the two, with his rugged attitude. Daniel on the other hand, with his smooth clean-shaven face balances the equation by being more courteous and modest. Both men are sitting at a table facing each other. They were having lunch but are done now. Plates are empty and they’re experiencing the aftermath of a heavy meal; like a hangover, only more pleasant. Vincent and Daniel were in the middle of a conversation we know nothing about, and Daniel suddenly decides to change the subject.
DANIEL
Did you get the e-mail I forwarded you last night?
VINCENT
Which e-mail? Be specific. You forward me a hundred dozen e-mails a day.
DANIEL
I don’t send you a hundred dozen e-mails.
VINCENT
Every night I check, there’ll be like; 150 fucking unread messages in my inbox. And 149 of them will be from your ass.
DANIEL
You see what you’re doing?
VINCENT
What?
DANIEL
You’re dramatizing a completely common and typical activity. You’re a drama king. Freaking Britney Spears.
VINCENT
It’s not only e-mails, you know? It’s also those forwarded text messages I receive on my phone. I mean it’s like... why the fuck? What is it that gives your kinky ass pleasure in forwarding?
DANIEL
You got it all wrong. It’s not about pleasuring my kinky ass. Forwarding is about pleasuring others. When I get forwarded mails or text messages that excite me or make me happy, I tend to forward them to all my contacts to spread the joy. It’s become a habit. And it’s a habit I like having.
VINCENT
Junkie.
DANIEL
Look, don’t tell me you hate getting the smut mails I forward you.
VINCENT
Smut mails are different. Smut mails are different because those are the kind of mails that wet my undies.
DANIEL
Disgusting.
VINCENT
I welcome anything that’s of a smutty nature with open arms. I will also admit that I do sometimes, occasionally enjoy e-mails or text messages with harebrained jokes in it. (Getting serious) However, I loathe intensely ones with those fucking anecdotes that take a cheap shot at trying to instill a valuable lesson in me. It’s like... I actually take the time to read that shit - which is a fucking miracle in itself - and I’m expecting an excellent pay-off at the end. Like a kick ass punchline or a shocker like “The-Sixth-Sense-Oh-My-God-Bruce-Willis-Is-Dead” shit. And all I get is a piece of shit moral of the story which - first and foremost - gives me no kind of sexual stimulation. And second of all - and this is the most aggravating part - the moral of the story is always so true and obvious that I end up thinking, ‘I know this shit. I don’t need a stupid e-mail to teach me about life.’ It’s very belittling.
DANIEL
They’re just reminding you so you don’t forget. People, humans... we forget about the important things in life. We’re all so absorbed with trying to satisfy our material needs that sometimes we need to be reminded that there’s more to life than money and sex.
Vincent stares at Daniel for a moment.
VINCENT
Fuck that, man. You’re weird.
DANIEL
I’m unique. Choose your adjective wisely.
Vincent, obviously stressed out, casually takes out a cigarette and lights it. Daniel sees this and reacts.
DANIEL (CONT’D)
What are you doing?
VINCENT
What does it look like I’m doing?
DANIEL
Vincent, how many times do I have to tell you? Don’t light that shit when I’m around.
VINCENT
Stop being such a pansy. It’s so fucking irritating.
DANIEL
I’m telling you, one of these days, because of people like you, I’m gonna die of lung cancer or asthma.
Vincent inhales deeply and blows out the smoke. He’s truly enjoying the sensation the cigarette is giving him.
VINCENT
Let me tell you something, Daniel. This whole, ‘passive smoker’, ‘secondhand smoke’ thing is a myth. A lie, made up by anti-smoking people like you to oppress cool people like me. It’s all just fucking bullshit.
DANIEL
Like global warming?
VINCENT
(dead serious)
Hey, you watch your mouth. Global warming is real. It is an undeniable phenomenon.
DANIEL
Let me ask you something. While you’re smoking that, do you know how many types of chemicals you’re inhaling into your lungs?
VINCENT
Look, my dad’s been smoking since he was sixteen. The guy’s pushing fifty now and there’s nothing wrong with him. He’s healthy as a horse. Now, his father was smoking for more than sixty fucking years and he died of lung cancer at the age of 86.
DANIEL
Smoking causes lung cancer, you genius.
VINCENT
That’s not the point, fucker. The point is...
DANIEL
(interrupting)
Don’t call me a fucker.
VINCENT
(ignoring Daniel)
The point is, he died when he was 86, at the age when people are supposed to die. I bet if he was still alive today and listened to you whining, he’d call you a fucker.
DANIEL
I have a health magazine in my car. There’s an article on the hazards of smoking. There are pictures... very disturbing pictures showing what smoking can do to your body. I’m talking hardcore shit that’ll give you nightmares.
VINCENT
What the hell kind of a health magazine has disturbing pictures like that? I always thought health magazines had nice pictures like doctors handing out lollypops to little kids holding sunflowers.
DANIEL
Why would there be pictures of little kids holding sunflowers in a health magazine?
VINCENT
I don’t know! I just thought!
DANIEL
These bona fide pictures are extremely brutal.
VINCENT
(lost in his own thought)
Health magazines. My God, I’ve been missing out.
DANIEL
Are you listening to a word I’m saying?
VINCENT
Daniel, I’ve seen those pictures before. Those disturbing images come with the cigarette packs I buy everyday. I’m not saying smoking does nothing to your body. I know what it can do. I’m not naive. All I’m saying is... some smokers are just unlucky. Alright? But me? I’m a fortunate little fucker.
DANIEL
(giving up)
Whatever you say, man.
VINCENT
Look, for me, this thing...
(showing his cigarette)
...is godsend. And I’m saying that because I know how good it makes me feel. You have no fucking clue because you’re a pansy who won’t even take a puff.
DANIEL
I don’t need that shit to make me feel good.
VINCENT
That’s what you say now.
Vincent takes out a fresh cigarette and places it on the table.
VINCENT (CONT’D)
Go ahead. Try it. It’s on me.
DANIEL
You gotta be kidding me.
VINCENT
No, I’m not. Light it and smoke it. Try to understand what I’m talking about.
DANIEL
I’m sorry, my friend. I don’t succumb to peer pressure. I’m too sharp and grown up for that.
VINCENT
Alright. You don’t have to smoke that right now. I have a better idea. Tonight, when we go drinking, after like, three jugs of beer, you smoke this. I promise you, the high that you’ll get... fucking awesome, like nobody’s business.
DANIEL
Vincent, this conversation is over. I’m gonna go to my car and get that magazine and I’m gonna show you what happens to people who smoke.
VINCENT
Go! Go get that fucking magazine. I’ll see those fucking pictures while I smoke profusely.
Daniel leaves the table and starts heading for his car which is, from what we can tell, is across the street. We then stay with Vincent and focus only on him. He takes a few puff while he watches Daniel.
[We don’t get to see Daniel anymore]
Suddenly, we hear tyres screeching, a car engine revving... like someone’s driving recklessly. Vincent looks worried. Then...
VINCENT (CONT’D)
Daniel!!!
We hear: CRASH!!! And tyres screeching as if it’s coming to a halt.
VINCENT (CONT’D)
Daniel!!! No!!!
Vincent runs out of frame, screaming Daniel’s name as he does. We then hear the tyres screeching again, and the engine revving as if it’s speeding off.
“SPENDTHRIFT & SMART ASS”
EXT. STREET / CAR WORKSHOP - DAY
THE FOLLOWING IS A FACE TO FACE CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE IN THE SAME AUTO SHOP.
We’re on a motorbike. We’re moving pretty fast through a busy street; overtaking cars and other bikes. It looks rather exciting. The bike then slows down and enters a car workshop. Now, we see the guy on the bike. He is SPENDTHRIFT, in his late 20s/early 30s. His clothes suggest that he probably works at the workshop. Already at the workshop and busy fixing a car is SMART ASS. Looking around the same age as Spendthrift, Smart Ass is all messy and greasy. Spendthrift gets off his bike, looking rather upset.
SMART ASS
You’re late, asshole.
SPENDTHRIFT
I know I’m late. I have a watch.
SMART ASS
The fat guy from the post office is gonna be here to get his car. When he finds out you’re not done with it, he’s gonna turn this place upside down. And when he’s finished, I’m gonna kick you in the balls.
SPENDTHRIFT
I’ll get it done, asshead. It’s no big deal. Stop fucking harassing me and leave me alone.
SMART ASS
Hey, what’s with the hostility?
SPENDTHRIFT
I’m being hostile? You’re the one who wants to kick me in the fucking balls.
SMART ASS
Dude... what’s up with you? You’re venting out some very negative vibes. I can feel it in my bones.
SPENDTHRIFT
I’m just so pissed off.
SMART ASS
About what?
SPENDTHRIFT
You remember loaning me fifty yesterday?
SMART ASS
Yeah.
SPENDTHRIFT
Well, I don’t have it anymore.
SMART ASS
Am I supposed to be impressed? You want me to clap?
SPENDTHRIFT
I just don’t understand why shit has to always happen to me?
SMART ASS
Uh... it’s called spendthrift. Look it up the dictionary. It means someone who tends to spend money extravagantly.
SPENDTHRIFT
I didn’t spend the money. I gave it away.
SMART ASS
Gave it to whom?
SPENDTHRIFT
A couple of cops.
SMART ASS
Why? What happened?
SPENDTHRIFT
I knew I was running late, right? So I took this short cut which was through this construction area. The path was so fucked up, it looked like a fucking war zone. And I’m not talking Israel vs Palestine kind of war. I’m talking The Matrix, Terminator: Humans vs Machines kind of war. But I went in anyway. I kept speeding and I was back on the main road and was just two minutes away from here. But there was just one thing standing between me and this place.
SMART ASS
Which was?
SPENDTHRIFT
A fucking red light.
SMART ASS
Oh, I hate that. I hate it when that happens. Don’t tell me the timer was at 99.
SPENDTHRIFT
The timer was at 99.
SMART ASS
You must have been pissed.
SPENDTHRIFT
I was furious. And the worst part is, the road was practically empty. I just don’t get why a light is even there.
SMART ASS
Did you do what I think you did?
SPENDTHRIFT
Hey, I did what any sane person would have done.
SMART ASS
You beat the red light.
SPENDTHRIFT
I beat the fucking red light. I’m telling you, the cops... they came out of nowhere. It’s as if they appeared out of thin air.
SMART ASS
They always do, those bastards. So, they gave you a summons?
SPENDTHRIFT
Oh, they were threatening to. One of them was giving me the ‘how expensive it was gonna be to pay the summons’ speech.
SMART ASS
We all know what that speech means.
SPENDTHRIFT
They didn’t really wanna give me a summons. They just wanted money for lunch. All I had on me was that fifty you gave me last night. And now I don’t have it anymore.
SMART ASS
You know, the way I see it, you got nothing to complain about. If he wrote you that ticket, you would have had to fork out hundreds. Those nice policemen, like it or not, did you a favour.
SPENDTHRIFT
I’m just so frustrated. They’re supposed to uphold the law and protect the innocent. Not extort us.
SMART ASS
Alright, first of all... you’re not innocent. Second of all, I don’t think they extorted you. I’m pretty sure they let you make your own choice. Truth be told, they were nice enough to give you a choice at all.
SPENDTHRIFT
I bribed two police officers because I ran the red light. I broke the law twice in less than five minutes. I’m so disgusted with myself, I feel like throwing myself in jail.
SMART ASS
Stop being so dramatic.
SPENDTHRIFT
And you know what was so ironic about the whole thing? They had this big, in your face sticker at the back of their police car saying, ‘PLEASE DON’T BRIBE ME’. They even had those words written on a little badge they wear on their uniform. You know, I’m handing him the money, and my eyes are zooming in on that badge and I’m like... Whoa! This is some sick shit that’s happening right now.
SMART ASS
You know what those stickers and badges remind me of? The ‘DON’T FEED THE ANIMALS’ signs you see in zoos.
SPENDTHRIFT
Exactly what I was thinking.
SMART ASS
And I don’t even know who should be embarrassed about this. Us or them?
SPENDTHRIFT
You know, I keep wondering about one thing.
SMART ASS
What’s that?
SPENDTHRIFT
Female cops. Do you think they take bribes too?
SMART ASS
Good question.
While Smart Ass thinks about this, he continues working on his car. Spendthrift notices a white Honda Civic. We never see the front part of the car though.
SPENDTHRIFT
(pointing at the white car)
When did that come in?
SMART ASS
Half an hour ago.
Spendthrift approaches the front part of the car, which is out of our sight. He looks at it.
SPENDTHRIFT
An accident?
SMART ASS
That’s what the guy said. He wants it fixed in two days.
SPENDTHRIFT
(carefully checking the damage)
Is that blood? Looks like blood.
SMART ASS
The guy said he hit a cat.
SPENDTHRIFT
He hit a cat? Was that cat six feet tall and made out of concrete? I mean... look at the damage. If a fucking cat really did do this, I’m gonna exterminate every feline I see.
SMART ASS
It’s pretty obvious the guy’s bull shitting. I wouldn’t be surprised if the cat he was talking about is actually a dead man who’s in a morgue somewhere now. He was intoxicated.
SPENDTHRIFT
Intoxicated means drunk, right?
SMART ASS
Yes, intoxicated means drunk.
SPENDTHRIFT
It’s ten in the fucking morning.
SMART ASS
You know what? I think the guy wasn’t wearing a watch. Maybe he lost track of time.
SPENDTHRIFT
Very funny, smart ass.
Smart Ass smiles sheepishly and continues working on the car he was fixing. Spendthrift keeps staring at the damaged white car. Then...
SPENDTHRIFT (CONT’D)
Hey, can I borrow another fifty?
SMART ASS
Let me see. Can I get Eva Mendes to suck my dick?
Spendthrift just stares at Smart Ass.
SMART ASS (CONT'D)
I didn’t think so.
SPENDTHRIFT
Oh, come on.
SMART ASS
This conversation is over.
“MR. RED & MR. GREEN”
I/E. CAR / HOUSE - DAY
THE FOLLOWING IS A FACE TO FACE CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO INDIVIDUALS IN THE SAME CAR.
The CAR looks run-of-the-mill. Not too luxurious, not too shabby. Engine is turned off, windows are down. The car is in park. Two men are seated in the car, up front: MR. RED and MR. GREEN. Mr. Red is 31 years old. The man is wearing a red coloured t-shirt (thus the name) and silky black slacks, and he’s chewing gum. Mr. Green is 29 years old. He’s wearing a green coloured t-shirt (thus the name) and silky black slacks. Mr. Green has a bag on his lap and the bag is full of pornographic DVD. He takes out one and checks it.
MR. GREEN
The Thai girls in this DVD are to die for. Cute little bitches. Keyword: little. They’re so small you can carry them anywhere. Portable pussy.
Mr. Green lets out a big laugh, proud of his lewd joke.
MR. RED
I hate Thai porn. Thailand pornographies are dull. There’s just no zest in their sex. It’s as if they’re fucking for charity or something.
MR. GREEN
(laughs)
Fucking for charity?
MR. RED
Americans make good porn. Those men and women know what they’re doing. It doesn’t matter if they’re really enjoying the sex. They might not really. But they manage to create this illusion on screen as if they’re having the best fuck ever.
MR. GREEN
Have you ever watched Indian porn?
MR. RED
Once.
MR. GREEN
I’m telling you, those bastards should be shot to death for the shit they make.
MR. RED
But you know who makes the best porn?
MR. GREEN
The Japanese?
MR. RED
(nodding in full agreement)
The Japanese. Sex is their game and they play it like the pros. These guys don’t just come out and fuck and say, “Adios”.
MR. GREEN
You mean, “Sayonara”.
MR. RED
What-the-fuck-ever. I’m trying to explain something to you.
MR. GREEN
Carry on.
MR. RED
The Japanese are the kinkiest, twisted, most perverted human beings I have ever seen. They manage to come up with the weirdest shit. Sometimes, with the Japanese, I don’t feel like I’m watching porn. I feel like I’m witnessing a mind-blowing work of art. Imagine Leonardo Da Vinci’s Monalisa... sucking five dicks... in the Taj Mahal... and the Queen of England is cheering them on. That’s Japanese porn. And the way they fuck, the way they make love... when they engage in the most fantastic course in the universe...
MR. GREEN
(interrupting)
Intercourse?
MR. RED
Yes, intercourse. Thank you for interrupting again.
MR. GREEN
Sorry.
MR. RED
When they make love, it’s so sensuous and delicate. They’re so absorbed that nothing else in the world around them matters. All they care about is giving pleasure to one another. And that my friend is the most beautiful thing in the world.
MR. GREEN
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
MR. RED
Hey, you got something to say about the Japanese... talk to the Japanese.
MR. GREEN
Well, if there’s one thing I love about Japanese women, it’s their boobs. Nice tits.
MR. RED
I don’t care much about breasts. I prefer to engross myself with a woman’s ass.
MR. GREEN
Really?
MR. RED
Most men don’t realize this, but we’re all more into ass than breasts.
MR. GREEN
You sure about that?
MR. RED
Let me ask you something. You see a hot babe passing by and your depraved little mind decides you should check her out. Where do your eyes automatically go to?
MR. GREEN
(nods, realizing)
Her ass.
MR. RED
Exactly.
Mr. Red gives Mr. Green a shrewd smile. All Mr. Green can do is chuckle. Mr. Green continues checking the rest of the DVD in the bag. Mr. Red watches him.
MR. RED (CONT’D)
I don’t understand why you buy porn.
MR. GREEN
I buy porn because I wanna watch porn.
MR. RED
That’s my point exactly. Why is it that you have the need to watch porn?
MR. GREEN
Don’t talk to me as if you don’t watch porn, you fucking hypocrite.
MR. RED
I do watch them. But you and me, we’re different individuals. We lead different lives.
MR. GREEN
What the hell are you talking about?
MR. RED
I’m a single man. You’re married... and you’re a father.
MR. GREEN
If there’s something you’re trying to tell me... it’s not registering in my head.
MR. RED
Will you tell me why you have the need to watch porn?
MR. GREEN
The same reason you watch porn. To blow off some steam.
MR. RED
But don’t you have your wife for that. Have sex with her to blow off steam.
MR. GREEN
What the fuck?
MR. RED
I’m just saying... wouldn’t it hurt your wife if she knew you were watching porn behind her back? How would she feel?
MR. GREEN
This is a stupid conversation.
MR. RED
You know I’m right.
MR. GREEN
No, you’re not right. You know nothing to be right. Being married isn’t as simple as you think.
MR. RED
Don’t try to justify yourself with stupid retorts.
MR. GREEN
Damn it! I don’t watch porn behind her back. I watch it with her. Alright? We both enjoy a little on screen sex before going in for the real thing. It turns us on. There! I’ve said it. You happy now? I just exposed my private life to you, fucking paparazzi.
MR. RED
(somewhat sickened)
Your wife enjoys porn?
MR. GREEN
Hey! Don’t talk about her like that. Do not say another word about my wife.
MR. RED
Alright. I’m sorry.
MR. GREEN
She’s a sweet lady. A good wife. A wonderful mother.
MR. RED
I know.
MR. GREEN
There’s nothing wrong in wanting to spice up our sex life. Okay? You’re just shocked we do this because we’re Asians. If we were Americans, you probably wouldn’t have given a shit.
MR. RED
True. You do make a good point.
A moment of silence.
MR. RED (CONT'D)
Have you two ever thought of having a threesome?
MR. GREEN
You son of a bitch!
MR. RED
(laughing)
I was kidding.
MR. GREEN
Never ever step foot in my house again.
MR. RED
Oh, come on.
Mr. Green puts the bag of DVD away and opens the glove compartment. He takes out a WOODEN BOX.
MR. RED (CONT'D)
You’re just so fucking sensitive.
Mr. Green opens the box to reveal TWO GUNS and TWO SILENCERS.
MR. GREEN
Sensitive? You just asked for my permission to screw my wife.
(hands a gun and a silencer to Mr. Red)
How is it that my reaction to that labels me as sensitive?
Both Mr. Green and Mr. Red attach the silencers to their guns.
MR. RED
(yelling)
I was fucking kidding!
MR. GREEN
This conversation is over.
MR. RED
For now.
Mr. Green stares at Mr. Red.
MR. RED (CONT'D)
Fine. If it’s over, it’s over.
Both men get out of their cars. Only now do we get to see where the car has been parked all this while: in front of a HOUSE, across the street. Mr. Red and Mr. Green walk towards the house.
MR. RED (CONT'D)
Just for the record, I’m very unhappy with this client. This is one rotten assignment.
MR. GREEN
I know. But what can you do? You can’t expect everyone to afford our standard fee.
MR. RED
We’re professionals. This is bullshit.
MR. GREEN
(stressing)
He just lost his best friend and he’s raging. Give him a break.
Mr. Red and Mr. Green jump over the fence/gate and into the porch. The WHITE HONDA CIVIC is parked there. Mr. Red checks the car, peeks through the window and checks the interior.
MR. RED
Car’s clean.
Mr. Green goes to the door and tries opening it. It’s unlocked.
MR. GREEN
It’s open. No one just gives a shit about security anymore.
Both men are now inside the house. We can hear a male voice speaking.
JASON (O.S.)
Yes, of course! I’d be more than happy with just a blowjob.
As Mr. Red and Mr. Green progress further into the house, they see Jason, without a shirt on and with his crappy shorts, talking on the phone.
JASON (CONT'D)
I’m being very fucking reasonable, alright?
MR. RED
Dei, macha!
Jason turns and gets the shock of his life when he sees two strangers in his house.
JASON
Hey!
Mr. Red approaches Jason. Mr. Green coolly walks to the TV cabinet.
JASON (CONT'D)
Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my house?
Mr. Red snatches the phone from Jason’s hand.
JASON (CONT'D)
Hey, what the fuck?!
Mr. Red switches the phone off and drops it on the floor.
JASON (CONT'D)
What the hell are you doing?
Mr. Red takes out his gun. Jason is shocked to see the gun, he almost gets a heart attack.
JASON (CONT'D)
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
MR. RED
Shut up.
JASON
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
MR. RED
I said shut the fuck up, cock sucker!
Jason stands still, in shock.
MR. RED (CONT'D)
What’s your name?
JASON
I... I...
MR. RED
What’s your fucking name, asshole?
JASON
(trembling)
My, my... my name is Jason.
MR. RED
Can I see some identification, please?
JASON
What?
MR. RED
Show me your MyKad you fucking idiot!
Jason rushes to the coffee table and rummages for his wallet amidst the mess of crap on it. Mr. Green is going through Jason’s DVD collection.
MR. GREEN
My Best Friend’s Wedding... Miss Congeniality... The entire first season of Grey’s Anatomy... What a pussy.
JASON
They’re my girlfriends’.
Mr. Green, enraged, hurls the DVDs toward Jason.
MR. GREEN
Do not engage in a conversation with me! I am not here to fucking chit chat with you! The man asked for your MyKad. Give him your MyKad!
Jason finds his wallet, pulls out his MyKad and hands it to Mr. Red. Mr. Red studies it carefully.
MR. GREEN (CONT’D)
Identity confirmed?
MR. RED
Identity confirmed.
MR. GREEN
Awesome. Now lets get this show on the road.
Mr. Red aims his gun directly at Jason’s forehead and cocks it. Mr. Green takes out his cellphone and starts recording. Jason’s eyes become teary. He is so scared; he might pass out any second.
JASON
Why are you doing this?
MR. RED
Jason, I’m going to ask you one simple question. All you have to do is answer it truthfully. Alright?
JASON
But...
MR. RED
No buts Jason. After this, all I wanna hear from you is a yes or a no. Is that understood?
JASON
Yes.
MR. RED
Good boy. Are you ready for the question? Remember. Just be honest. Yes?
JASON
Yes.
MR. RED
Okay. On the 27th of August 2008, you were driving under the influence of alcohol and hit a young man with your car and killed him. True or false?
Jason keeps quiet. Hesitates to answer. He’s shaking.
MR. RED (CONT’D)
Take your time and relax. Just think it through before answering.
JASON
Yes.
MR. RED
What’s that?
JASON
Yes.
MR. RED
Yes? Is that your final answer?
JASON
Yes.
MR. RED
(nods respectfully)
That was very brave of you. Admitting to such a horrendous act.
JASON
Thank you.
And with that Mr. Red blows Jason’s brains out with his gun.
MR. RED
You’re welcome.
MR. GREEN
Look, his fingers are twitching. That’s like the tenth time I’ve seen that happen. Why do you think they do that?
MR. RED
Can’t you be cool for just like one second? We’re assassins for fuck’s sake.
“THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER”
EXT. NASI KANDAR RESTAURANT - DAY
Vincent walks out of the restaurant with a pack of cigarettes in his hand. He walks toward his car. As he opens the door, he notices something on the windshield. It’s an ENVELOPE. Vincent looks around while reaching for the envelope. From inside the envelope, Vincent pulls out several PHOTOS of Jason’s dead body with a pool of blood around it. There’s even one photo with MR. GREEN kneeling by the dead body, looking at the camera and giving a thumbs up with a huge smile on his face. Together with the photos, is a DVD. Written on it, with a black CD marker, are the words, “FOR YOUR EYES ONLY”. Vincent puts the photos and the DVD back into the envelope and gets into the car. He chucks the envelope on the passenger seat next to him. Vincent takes out a cigarette, lights it and smokes it.
VINCENT
(looking at the heavens)
That puff was for you, buddy. Rest in peace.
He starts the car and drives away.
“CONVERSATIONS”
