Saturday, June 6, 2009

The King

This is a short story I wrote a few years back. It is about a man, so frustrated with the decay of this world, that he decides it is time for him to take over and rule the world. The problem is, he is imprisoned in an institution for the mentally-ill. I truly believe that there is a 'King' in all of us, frustrated and has had enough and feels compelled to do something to help this world, but is unable to do so.

The King
by
Suresh Ramskay

‘Dear God,’ I said, ‘if you were to let me live long enough, I promise to make this world as beautiful and quiet as it used to be. The way you made it to exist.’ ‘Dear God,’ I uttered quietly again, ‘if you were to let me live long enough, I promise to rule this planet and its people fairly, honestly and sincerely. The way you would.’
I then slowly closed my eyes, wishing, hoping and praying that after I have dreamt beautiful dreams, I would wake up to a whole new world. A world where there would be peace and beauty. A world where laughter would be the only language people spoke. A world where I would be king.
That was how I used to go to sleep every night. But I have not prayed to God for the past twenty four months. I have not prayed because I am afraid that I might lose my faith in Him. He still has not answered my prayers. He still has not given me answers. He still has not spoken to me. Instead, He sends and keeps me enslaved in an asylum for the insane. I have been incarcerated for two years. I scream and bleed everyday to prove my sanity. I have not prayed to God because I am afraid that I might detest Him.
‘How are you feeling today?’ Doctor Gustav would ask me every morning after I wake up from a horrible sleep of nightmares. I seldom answer his juvenile and gratuitous questions. But when I am coerced to retort, I simply say, ‘I do not belong here, doctor. I am your King. I do not wish to command you. Instead, I am degrading my regal authority and pleading you to set me free.’ With a ridiculous and phony smile, he would touch my shoulder and reply, ‘That’s great. More medicines for you.’
How I pity these fragile beings. They tread around me not realizing that one day they will kneel before me. They speak to me not realizing that one day they will fear me. Only God knows how fretfully I wait for the day I am to be crowned King. The wars must come to an end. Children should cease the shedding of their tears over purposeless deaths. There shall not be a stench of politics on this planet. Weapons should remain extinct for the rest of the human lives. Only God knows how fretfully I wait.
I opened my eyes. A new day, and I was still in confinement. Doctor Gustav was standing before me. ‘How are you feeling today?’ he asked. I did not answer. I did not utter a word. ‘Do you know what day it is today?’ he asked again. I remained silent. ‘Today is your birthday,’ he said. ‘Your wife is here to see you.’
My wife, Malena would be the most exquisite Queen when I am crowned. She would be my seraph and we would rule this world together with eternal love for each other.
‘Happy birthday,’ Malena wished as she delicately laid a kiss on my forehead.
‘Thank you,’ I said in a quiet voice.
‘I brought you a box of chocolates. You still love chocolate don’t you?’
I nodded.
‘Doctor Gustav will pass them to you later,’ she said.
‘Okay.’
‘Well, how are you?’
I did not answer. I did not even gaze at her.
‘Doctor Gustav tells me that you don’t scream at nights anymore. I’m very proud of you. But he also tells me that you won’t stop cutting yourself.’
‘I have to,’ I looked precisely into her blue eyes.
‘Have to what? Bleed yourself to death?’
‘I have to prove to the human race that I am not like them. I do not feel pain, Malena. They have to understand that or they will never let me get beyond this prison walls alive.’
‘You are human. Just like me. Like everyone else.’
‘Why won’t you understand me?’
‘Understand what?’
‘I am God’s gift to this world. I will heal it and its people. And you shall be present by my side every step of the way.’
Malena glared at me for the longest time. She did not know what to say to me. She did not know how to comprehend what I was enlightening her with. ‘I love you. But if you think you’re a gift from God, then I guess I don’t deserve you,’ Malena said as she stood up to leave. ‘Happy birthday,’ she said and left hurriedly.
How could she have been so oblivious of her purpose on this planet? Malena was not this way when I met her for the first time.
‘Save the children! Help us help them!’ she yelled into the large crowd I was a part of. ‘Your donation will help these children avoid starvation and death.’ No one in the crowd seemed to care. They kept on walking as if life was about to end for them. I, on the other hand, stayed. I merely stood there, watching her trying to save lives.
‘Please! I beg you! These innocent children need your help!’ she pleaded some more. I walked up to her. I stood in front of Malena and said, ‘Don’t beg. Human lives should not be saved by begging.’ She simply looked at me, wondering who I was. Wondering what I wanted from her. But she laid aside her curiosity and fear and stretched out her hand, showing me the empty donation box. ‘Please,’ she said with a tired smile, ‘they need help.’
‘Malena told me to give you only two chocolates a day. But you can always ask me for more if you want to,’ Doctor Gustav told me once Malena left.
‘Two is fine, doctor. Thank you,’ I said to him.
‘Would you like to watch The Simpsons? You’ve already missed the first ten minutes of it.’
‘The Simpsons are not real, doctor. They’re animations. What will I gain by watching them? I will only be squandering my time.’
‘That’s fine. Just don’t forget that you have a session with me this afternoon.’
My sessions with Doctor Gustav are unpleasant ones, for during each session he will attempt to persuade me into believing that I am indeed ill. I must eulogize his efforts, as they are brilliant and convincing. His endeavors are, however, no competition against my sanity. The doctor fails to realize that, it may be uncomplicated to convince a mad man into deeming himself sane, but to convince a completely commonsensical and reasonable man that he is insane, however, requires the presence of God. In the asylum where I am imprisoned, God does not exist.
There are scores of patients in this asylum. They are here because they are truly mad. Some of them would never stop screaming. Some would never utter a word. Some would hurt others. Some would hurt themselves. I despise this place. I despise these people. They are God’s mistake.
‘We’re having another patient,’ I overheard Doctor Gustav talking to his nurse.
‘Who is he?’ the nurse asked.
‘Real name is unknown. The guy is a John Doe. The police found him walking on the middle of the street, naked.’
‘Why are they sending him here?’
‘He claims to be God.’

Hope prevails.

‘Finally, he has arrived,’ I told the doctor, ‘my prayers have been answered. He has come to bless me and crown me.’
‘Who?’ the doctor asked.
‘God.’
Doctor Gustav frowned and said, ‘Listen. It’s not what you think.’
‘Do not be afraid, doctor. I will soon be free and this world will experience the miracle it had been waiting for.’
‘He’s not God. He’s just a sick man who thinks he’s God. Just like you think you are the King of this world.’
Doctor Gustav’s frequent mocking of the inevitable and undeniable does invoke anger. But I am a King. And a King must never lose the ability to restrain his emotions.
Two days later, He arrived.
‘You can let him go now,’ Doctor Gustav told the guards once He was inside.
The guards unlocked the cuffs on His wrists and ankles.
‘Feel free to walk around and make friends. But be sure to be in your best behavior if you don’t want to go to prison. Is that understood?’ Doctor Gustav asked God.
‘But I am already in one,’ God replied.
‘Great. A wisehead nutjob. Just what I need,’ Doctor Gustav muttered as he walked to his office.
I approached Him.
‘I was beginning to lose faith. I was beginning to believe that I was truly insane.’ I said to Him. ‘Thank you for coming. Thank you.’
God looked around for a moment before saying, ‘The air in here is somehow fresher than the air outside. Isn’t that strange?’
I remained silent as I did not know how to rejoin. He then looked at me and smiled. ‘You have a question for me?’ He asked.
‘Why have you kept me locked up in here?’
‘For protection.’
‘Protection?’
‘Do you not feel safe in here? Safe from the violent and dangerous world out there?’
‘But I do not fear the world. I do not need protection from it for I will heal it. I am King and I will rule this world and heal it from all its pain and suffering.’
‘You will never heal this world. Instead, you will die trying. I know what your future holds for you. You will fail as a king.’
‘But, why?’
‘It will not be your fault. It will be mine. I have failed as a creator. This world and its inhabitants are a mistake. A mistake I hold responsibility for.’
‘I do not understand.’
‘The mortals of this world have become enemies to their own existence. They have become evil and evil must be annihilated.’
I could not breathe. I could not think. I could not understand. I simply could not believe. I looked at God’s mortal eyes. They were truthful. I could not see lie in those eyes. I did not expect to.
God came closer towards me. He said, ‘Look around you. Look at the space you are in and the individuals who fill it up. This is your kingdom,’ He revealed, ‘and these beings are your subjects.’
‘It’s time for your session, John,’ Doctor Gustav yelled at God from his office.
God whispered to me, ‘The fight against evil will soon be fought and we will win. You have to be strong and brave. Do you know why you have to be strong and brave?’
I nodded and said, ‘Because I am a King.’
‘Now, go,’ He said. ‘Bring your men together and prepare for battle.’
‘Where are you going, dear God?’
‘There is evil in here,’ he said as he turned to look at Doctor Gustav who was standing outside his office. ‘But I will make certain that wickedness no longer exist in this sanctuary.’ God told me before he walked away, heading towards the doctor’s office.
Doctor Gustav breathed his last breath on that auspicious day. God had freed our asylum from sinners. Law enforcement officers took God away. I never saw Him again since then, but I believe that He will return. I believe that I will see Him again. I believe this because there is a war to be fought. I believe this because there is a war to be won. I believe this because evil has spread around this world like a treacherous disease. I believe this because God is the cure for this disease.
‘Hear me! Listen to me!’ I cried out loud with all my might to every single resident of this asylum. ‘Gather around. Come close to me. Do not be afraid. Do not fear me.’
It was the day God arrived. It was the day He left. It was the day Doctor Gustav died. It was the day evil was banished from this place. It was the day I decided not to remain silent anymore. It was the day I decided to stand proud as King.
‘We are no more patients in this asylum. Today, we are citizens of this God-given paradise. We are no more sick and demented. Today, we are warriors. We are guardians of this fragile world. Evil has ruled this world long enough. God has spoken. He wants its reign to end. And we will make certain that their downfall takes place. Have faith in me when I say this: The moon will burn! The sun will freeze! The world will quiet down!’
‘Who are you?’ one of the citizens asked. It was the question I was waiting to hear for a long time.

I looked at each and every one of them.
I could see the future.
I could see victory.

‘I am your King! And you will obey me!’



Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Untold Story of Jack and Jill and the Beanstalk

This is an absolutely silly and childish sketch I wrote seven years ago for the annual Sixth Form dinner in High School Bukit Mertajam. This sketch was never performed due to time restraints and I thank the universe for that.

The Untold Story of Jack and Jill and the Beanstalk
by
Suresh Ramskay

Narrator
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I’m going to tell you all a beautiful love story that may disgust you. This love story is about a boy and a girl who lived somewhere in Bukit Mertajam. The boy’s name is Jack.
(Jack enters. He smiles and waves to the audience)
Narrator
That’s Jack ladies and gentlemen. Handsome guy, isn’t he? Absolutely good looking tonight, Jack.
Jack
Shut up lah, you!
Narrator
Okay. The girl’s name is Jill.
(Jill enters, a little coy)
Jack
You look beautiful, Jill. Lovely.
Narrator
Wait a minute. I’m supposed to say that.
Jack
Shut up lah, you!
(Jack and Jill hold hands)
Narrator
Well, as you can see, Jack and Jill are madly in love with each other.
Jack
I love you, Jill.
Jill
I love you, Jack.
Narrator
They love each other so much…
Jack
I love you so much, my dearest nasi kandar.
Jill
I love you so much, my roti canai.
Narrator
…sometimes they make me wanna vomit.
(Jack and Jill stare at the Narrator, angry)
Narrator
I said sometimes. Not all the time.
(They still stare)
Narrator
I’m not vomiting NOW!
Jill
Bodoh.
(Jack and Jill get back to each other)
Narrator
Well, back to the story. Jack and Jill are so in love with each other that they do almost everything together. They eat together.
Jack
What shall we eat tonight?
Jill
Hmm… dinner?
Jack
Genius!
Narrator
They play together.
Jill
Pull my finger.
(Jack pulls Jill’s finger. Jill farts)
Jack
Genius!
Narrator
And they even study together.
Jack
What’s the square root of 9?
Jill
I think it’s a rambutan tree.
Jack
Genius!
Narrator
To make a really long story short, one day…
Jack
Hey, Jill. Wanna go up the hill to fetch a pail of water?
Jill
But what if you fall down and break your crown and I come tumbling after?
Jack
Don’t be silly.
Narrator
So, Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
(Jack and Jill go up the hill)
Narrator
Well, Jack fell down and broke his crown…
(Jack falls)
Narrator
…and Jill came tumbling after.
(Jill falls too)
Jack
I’m alright! But my crown is broken.
(Jack takes out a tiny crown from his pocket. It’s broken)
Jill
I’m hurt, Jack. I think I sprained my ankle.
Jack
Let me check.
(Jack inspects Jill’s hand)
Jill
Jack, that’s my hand!
Jack
Oh my God! Your ankle switched places with your hand!
Jill
Go get a doctor!
(Jack runs off and returns seconds later with a doctor)
Doctor
Tell me what happened and start from the beginning.
Jack
Okay. I was born on the 2nd of May 1984…
Jill
I sprained my ankle!
Jack
It switched places with her hand.
Doctor
You sprained your ankle and it switched places with your hand???
Jill
No! I just sprained my ankle!
Jack
I’m telling you, it switched places with her hand.
Doctor
Alright, let me check your ankle, Jill.
(Jack carries Jill’s hand, showing it to the doctor)
Doctor
That’s her hand, Jack!
Jack
You see! What did I tell you?
Doctor
I’m going to need some money to buy her medicines.
Jack
How much?
Doctor
Fifty ringgit.
Jack
Fifty ringgit??!!
Jill
My ankle!
Doctor
There’s no time, Jack. I need that fifty and I need it now!
Jack
Where am I going to get that much money? My mother! She’ll help!
(Jack runs home to his mother)
Jack
Mother! Mother!
Jack’s Mother
Jack! Where have you been all day long?! Tell me the truth! Are you a Mat Rempit?
(Jack’s Mother starts whacking Jack with a broom)
Jack
No! Stop it! I was with Jill. She’s hurt!
Jack’s Mother
Jill’s hurt? What happened?
Jack
It’s her ankle. It switched places with her hand and now she’s a freak. I need fifty ringgit to fix her.
Jack’s Mother
We don’t have fifty ringgit, Jack. All we have are those four useless cows.
(Jack’s Mother points to the four useless cows: Tom, Dick, Harry and Muthusamy)
Jack
I can sell them at the market for money.
Jack’s Mother
But those cows are all that we have left.
Jack
Please, mother. For Jill’s sake.
Jack’s Mother
Okay, Jack. For Jill. Take the cows.
(Jack takes the cows and leaves)
Jack’s Mother
Jack, one more thing: Who the heck is Jill?
Narrator
Without further explanation, Jack rushes off to the market. On his way, he meets an old smelly man.
Old Man
Hey there, boy. Where you headed to with those cows?
Jack
To the market. I’m going to sell them.
Old Man
Forget the market. I’ll buy your cows.
Jack
Really? You will?
Old Man
Sure. How much?
(The Old Man takes out his wallet)
Jack
200 ringgit.
Old Man
200 ringgit??!! Hey! You nuts ah??!! You think this one what… Jennifer Lopez and the family ah??!! They’re just useless cows.
Jack
No money, no talk.
Old Man
Tell you what… you give me those four useless cows and I’ll give you these magical beans.
(Old Man shows Jack the beans)
Jack
Magical beans? What do they do?
Old Man
Magic! Plant them. Let them grow. Climb the plant and you’ll find a fortune just waiting for you.
Jack
Are you lying?
Old Man
Maybe. But as long as you’re dumb, stupid and you’ll believe anything, I guess it doesn’t matter.
Jack
Okay. I’ll take them.
(Old Man and Jack trade. Old Man leaves)
Narrator
So, without wasting any time, Jack plants the beans immediately. Suddenly, something happens. The beans start to grow. Jack climbs the beanstalk until he reaches the top. He sees a big, beautiful castle and enters it. Suddenly…
(Giant enters)
Giant
Aaargh!!!
Narrator
The castle’s giant sees Jack and becomes very, very angry.
Jack
No! Please don’t eat me! I don’t wanna die!
(Giant looks confused. He looks at the audience and then at Jack)
Giant
Boleh tolong cakap Bahasa Malaysia tak? Aku tak paham English lah.
Jack
Ye lah.
Giant
Hang ni sapa? Hang nak apa?
Jack
Aku Jack. Aku nak duit.
Giant
Aku boleh bagi hang berapa pun yang hang nak… dengan syarat hang ambil ujian dulu.
Jack
Ujian apa pulak?
Giant
Ujian ni.
(Giant memberikan sekeping kertas kepada Jack)
Jack
Ujian Matematik??!!
Giant
Baca soalan.
Jack
Berdasarkan maklumat yang diberi, anda dikehendaki melukis sebuah carta pai. Carta anda harus lah berbentuk pai dan bukan berbentuk burger atau ais krim Nestle. Masa yang diberikan adalah 15 minit. Sekiranya anda meniru, pastikan tiada siapa menangkap anda. Selamat berjaya.
Narrator
Jack pun terpaksa membuat ujian tersebut demi menyelamatkan Jill. Beberapa minit kemudian…
Jack
Dah siap!
Giant
Woi! Apa ni?! Aku suruh hang buat carta pai, hang pi buat graf garis pasai apa?
Jack
Cikgu aku tak ajar lagi lah macam mana nak lukis carta pai.
Giant
Kurang asam betul! Awak akan mati sekarang!
Jack
Tunggu! Kalau awak nak bunuh saya, awak kena jawab soalan saya dulu. Kalau awak jawab dengan betul, awak boleh makan saya. Tapi, kalau tidak, saya harus dilepaskan dan dibayar wang sejumlah sejuta ringgit sebagai pampasan.
Giant
Baik lah. Teruskan.
Jack
Soalannya, berbunyi begini. Keretapi A bertolak dari stesen A pada pukul 10 pagi. Keretapi A ingin ke stesen B. Perjalanan dari stesen A ke stesen B ialah selama dua jam. Dalam perjalanan, keretapi A meletup dan berkecai. Soalannya, di manakah letaknya Tembok Besar China?
Giant
Alamak. Susah ni. Saya nak gunakan talian hayat rakan telefon.
Jack
Siapa yang ingin anda hubungi?
Giant
Rakan baik saya, Bill Clinton.
Jack
Baik. Hello? Bill ke tu?
Bill Clinton
Yes, Bill speaking.
Jack
Bill, saya bersama rakan anda Giant yang ingin bantuan anda untuk menjawab soalan yang akan menentukan hidup mati saya. Anda sudah bersedia?
Bill Clinton
What?
Jack
Baik. 10 saat dari sekarang.
Giant
Keretapi…
Bill Clinton
Dey, Giant! Long time no see. How are you da dey?
Giant
Fine, fine. Keretapi…
Bill Clinton
You got married ah? Didn’t invite me also.
Giant
Yeah, sorry. Keretapi…
Bill Clinton
I’m the President of the United States, you know. It’s awesome!
Jack
Oh, maafkan saya. Masa dah tamat.
Giant
Tak guna!
Jack
Apakah jawapan anda?
Giant
Tak tahu lah!
Jack
Yes! Yes! Mana duit aku?
(Giant memberikan Jack sekeping cek)
Giant
Ini cek bernilai sejuta ringgit sumbangan Maybank. Voucher-voucher dan hadiah percuma boleh didapati di semua kedai Sony yang berhampiran.
(Jack dan Giant berjabat tangan dan ‘pose’ untuk jurugambar yang tiba-tiba muncul entah dari mana. Jack mula berjalan pergi)
Giant
Tunggu! Apa jawapan untuk soalan tadi?
Jack
Giant, Giant. Kenapa lah hang ni bodoh sangat? Dah lah nama pun Tembok Besar China. Mesti lah kat Argentina! Bengong betul lah hang ni.
(Jack beredar dari situ)
Narrator
Jack pun dengan hati yang gembira segera kembali kepada Jill untuk menyelamatkannya. Doktor mengambil wang daripada Jack dan memberikannya minyak angin cap Kapak untuk disapu pada kaki Jill. Maka berakhirlah kisah percintaan Jack dan Jill yang mengarut ini. Pasangan kekasih ini hidup bahagia selama tiga bulan. Giant yang terlampau marah dengan Bill Clinton, telah menyamar sebagai seorang wanita bernama Monica Lewinsky dan melibatkannya dalam sebuah skandal seks yang teramat dahsyat. Lelaki tua yang memberikan Jack kacang-kacang ajaib telah mati dibelasah oleh empat lembu yang tidak berguna itu kerana dia telah memaksa mereka bertelur emas. Damn!
TAMAT/THE END