A collection of my works of fiction. They are vulgar and obscene and may hurt your feelings. You have been warned. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.
This short is extremely short. I wouldn't really call it a story. You can call it whatever you want. But I would like to say this: Love isn't all that good and wonderful and fantastic. Love can be dangerous. Very dangerous. Love can kill. Love can create wars. Love can give birth to terrorism. So, love modestly and smartly.
All That Love... by Suresh Ramskay
“What is love?” a young girl asks her mother.
Her mother replies, with a tiny smile, “Love is like the wind. You feel it, but you can’t see it. It’s like breathing… it keeps you alive. Love is like you… it’s beautiful. Love is the tears I shed when I miss you. Love is the joy I feel when I hold you. Love is… so many things. So many things.”
“Why are you smiling? You look so happy,” the daughter says to her mother.
“That’s because I’m in love with you,” the mother replies, giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek.
“Love makes people happy?”
“Sometimes. Not all the time.’
“Why sometimes?”
“Because some people fall in love with the wrong people. Some people fall in love for the wrong reasons. And some people fall in love with the wrong people for the wrong reasons.”
“Well, if love can make me unhappy, I’d rather choose not to fall in love,” the daughter says.
“It’s not that easy, dear. You don’t choose to fall in love. You can’t.”
“I can’t?”
The mother shakes her head. “No, you can’t. It just happens. You don’t get to choose. Falling in love is not that easy.”
“Sounds scary.”
“It is scary. Sometimes it can get so scary, your heart will beat so fast… you’ll wish you’ll never stop feeling that way.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“That’s ridiculous,” the daughter says, laughing innocently.
“It is ridiculous, isn’t it? But that’s just the way love is. It makes us do the most ridiculous things.”
“Did you do anything ridiculous because of love?” the daughter asks.
“Of course I did.”
“Tell me one ridiculous thing you did.”
“Well, it was when I first met your father twenty years ago. Your father was different then.”
“How different?”
“He had more hair.”
The daughter laughs and says, “I’ve seen the pictures.”
“You have, haven’t you?” says the mother, laughing along with her daughter.
“So, tell me. What did you do?” asks the daughter, a little anxious.
“Well, there’s really nothing much to say, honey. I simply got a little carried away when I found out your father was dating another girl. I mean, all I was concerned about was getting your father’s attention away from her and on to me.”
“What was her name?”
“Sally, I think.”
“What did you do to her?”
“Oh, honey. I don’t think I should be telling you all this.”
“Come on mummy. Tell me. I want to know. You can’t tell a story and leave it hanging unfinished. It’s not fair. That’s what daddy always does.”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes. Please.”
“Okay. I’ll tell you. But you have to promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“Promise me that you’ll never tell anyone about it. Not even your father.”
“Why?”
“No questions. Promise me and I’ll tell you.”
“Okay, okay. I promise.”
The mother smiles. She then leans back on her favorite chair. The daughter slowly moves toward her mother, eagerly waiting to hear what her mother has to say. The mother, in the softest voice, says, “I killed her.”
Just like my previous work, “Conversations”, “Yellow” is also in the format of a screenplay, adjusted to fit this blog. It also pretty much carries the same theme as “Conversations”. “Yellow” is also about reaping what you sow. Do you believe in Karma? Smile if you do…
Yellow
by
Suresh Ramskay
PITCH BLACK.
The sound of an ALARM RINGING/BUZZING is heard.
FADE IN: INT. BEDROOM - MORNING CLOSE ON: ALARM CLOCK on the table next to the bed. PAN TO: ANDREW, 28 years old, on his messy bed. He is in his PAJAMAS. There are PORN MAGAZINES on the bed, next to Andrew. His eyes still closed, Andrew slowly moves his hand to the noisy alarm clock. He grabs it and hurls it towards a wall. The clock is smashed. A woman’s voice is heard OFF SCREEN. It’s ANDREW’S MOM.
ANDREW’S MOM (O.S.)
(yells)
Andrew! Wake up!
Andrew does not move.
ANDREW’S MOM (O.S.)
(yells louder)
Andrew!!
ANDREW
(softly)
Shut up.
Andrew covers his ears with his pillow.
ANDREW’S MOM (O.S.)
(yells even louder)
Andrew!!!
ANDREW
(loudly)
Shut up, mom!!
INT. KITCHEN - MORNING CLOSE ON: A cheap, old, rusty FRIDGE. Andrew’s hand enters FRAME and opens the fridge. There’s almost nothing in the fridge and the only thing obvious to the eyes is A BOTTLE OF MINERAL WATER, with the name “FRIZZ DELIGHT” on it. Andrew grabs the bottle and takes a gulp. He then casually looks into the fridge. After a moment, the casual glance turns serious and Andrew frowns. He has realized something.
ANDREW
(yells)
Mom, where are all the Frizz Delights?
ANDREW’S MOM (O.S.)
You finished it all.
ANDREW
Fuck.
INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING Andrew’s Mom, who looks like she’s in her 50’s, is on the couch watching something lame on TV. Andrew, with a T-shirt on his shoulder, walks in zipping up his jeans. Andrew’s Mom looks at her son.
ANDREW’S MOM
You smell like garbage, Andrew.
When was the last time you took a
bath?
ANDREW
(couldn’t care less about
what his mother just
said)
I’m going to the store.
Andrew puts on the T-shirt.
ANDREW’S MOM
I don’t want you coming back home
with another packet of condoms.
ANDREW
For God’s sake! Will you let it go
already? It was just one time. I
didn’t even use it.
ANDREW’S MOM
That’s because I found it first.
ANDREW
What the hell do you think I
would’ve done with it? Used it all
up masturbating in my fucking room?
ANDREW’S MOM
(shocked)
How do you talk to me like that?
I’m your mother.
Andrew picks up a key from the coffee table.
ANDREW
I’m taking the car.
Andrew walks out of the house and slams the door shut.
I/E. CAR(OLD CAR/MERCEDES BENZ)/ROAD - MORNING The road is empty. Almost dead. Andrew is driving an old car. He’s tuning through different stations on the radio. WE HEAR the stations being tuned in the background. The car comes to a TRAFFIC LIGHT. ON LIGHT: It’s YELLOW. Andrew slows down and stops. Almost immediately, a car behind starts HONKING. Andrew winds down the window and puts his head out and looks at the car behind. It’s a BLACK MERCEDES BENZ. The windshield of the Benz is SMASHED and the roof DENTED. It continues honking.
ANDREW
What’s your fucking problem?
The PISSED DRIVER in the Benz, who’s BALD, stops honking and puts his head out the window too.
PISSED DRIVER
You, driving like a fucking retard.
That’s my fucking problem.
ANDREW
(showing off his middle
finger)
Fuck you, asshole.
PISSED DRIVER
(showing off his middle
finger)
Fuck you too.
Andrew gets his head back in the car and winds up the window.
ANDREW
(shakes his head)
Uncivilized son-of-a-bitch.
Andrew continues tuning the radio. A moment passes by… the Benz starts honking again. Andrew looks at his SIDE VIEW MIRROR. ON MIRROR: Pissed driver, his head sticking out the window, yelling.
PISSED DRIVER
Move your fucking car, you dick!
The Pissed Driver points to the light: it’s GREEN. Andrew looks at the light and with a small smile on his face, continues fiddling with his radio. The Pissed Driver continues honking and yelling. Then, all of a sudden, it’s quiet. Andrew, aware of the abrupt silence, looks at the side view mirror again. ON MIRROR: Just the Benz, but no sign of Pissed Driver. Andrew keeps looking, and after a moment, Pissed Driver finally steps out of the car. Andrew chuckles, amused. Unafraid, Andrew steps out of the car and sees: Pissed Driver, walking rapidly towards Andrew, holding a BASEBALL BAT! Andrew is horrified at the sight of the bat.
ANDREW
Fuck.
Andrew quickly gets in the car and as soon as he does, Pissed Driver smashes the window on Andrew’s side. Andrew tries to put the car into gear, but it’s jammed.
ANDREW (CONT'D)
Come on!
The Pissed Driver starts ravaging Andrew’s car. The windshield, headlights. Parts from Andrew’s car fall off one by one to the ground. Andrew finally manages to put the car in gear, hits on the accelerator and drives off. The Pissed Driver runs to the Benz and goes after Andrew. ANDREW IN HIS CAR. Andrew is a nervous wreck. His hands are shaking and he’s driving like he’s Michael Schumacher. Andrew glances at the REAR VIEW MIRROR, hoping to see the worst, but ON MIRROR: Empty road. No sign of the Benz. Then, the HONKING returns. Andrew looks at the rear view mirror and sees the Mercedes Benz catching up to him.
ANDREW (CONT'D)
Shit!
The Benz drives up next to Andrew’s old car. Andrew and Pissed Driver look at each other eye to eye. Two different face expressions. ANDREW: Scared shitless. PISSED DRIVER: Pissed as hell.
Pissed Driver, in an attempt to ‘fucking kill’ Andrew, swerves to the left to hit the side of Andrew’s car. Andrew, in an attempt to avoid from being hit by the Benz, jerks to the left, loses control of the car and goes off road and into the bushes, where it comes to a halt. The Benz speeds off, honking proudly as it does. Andrew, shaking like a little girl, slowly gets out of the car. Once out of the car, he falls to the ground, like he’s ready to black out. But he picks himself up and, with all his might, shouts at the long gone Mercedes Benz and it’s driver.
ANDREW
Chicken shit! Motherfucking
bastard!
Andrew leans against his car and takes a deep breath and slowly calms down. He turns to his damaged car. It’s… damaged. Andrew starts cleaning up the mess of broken glass inside the car. ‘POP’!! A loud exploding sound is heard. Andrew turns to see where the sound is from and sees a WHITE VAN with a FLAT TYRE, slowly approaching him. The van stops next to Andrew’s ruined car. From the van, out comes PAUL, 34. He is shirtless, and has only his underwear on him. Paul ignores Andrew’s presence and checks out the van’s front tyre. It’s a FLAT.
PAUL
Shit!! Shit!!
Paul looks at Andrew. He then looks at Andrew’s car.
ANDREW
Having a shitty day?
Paul turns to the van again. He kicks it and shouts angrily.
PAUL
Mother fucking piece of fucking
shit!!
Paul suddenly notices something at the punctured tyre. He goes near it and pulls out something from the tyre. It’s a BROKEN HEADLIGHT. Paul approaches Andrew’s car and looks at the headlight. It’s broken. Paul shows the broken headlight he’s holding to Andrew.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Is this yours?
Andrew nods and takes the headlight from Paul.
ANDREW
I'm having a shitty day too.
PAUL
This is un-fucking-believable!
Andrew leans against his car and looks at the pathetic looking Paul.
ANDREW
You got a spare tyre?
Paul, who’s busy figuring out a solution, is distracted by Andrew’s question.
PAUL
What?
ANDREW
A spare tyre? Do you have one?
PAUL
I don’t know. This piece of shit
isn’t even mine.
Andrew sighs and goes to the back of the van. He opens it and is horrified to find another UNDERWEAR MAN lying in the back. He seems to be unconscious.
ANDREW
What the fuck is this?
Paul runs to the back.
PAUL
That’s my driver.
Andrew is just shaking in his pants. He slowly moves to his car.
ANDREW
Okay. I’ll just leave you two the
fuck alone and mind my own fucking
business.
PAUL
Wait a minute. Aren’t you going to
help us?
ANDREW
I don’t help weirdos.
PAUL
I’m not a weirdo! Come on, damn it! Give us a
ride. I have to get to an important
meeting in fifteen minutes.
ANDREW
Do I look like I give the slightest
bit of shit?
Andrew gets into the car and drives off.
PAUL
(yells)
Asshole!!
INT. CAR/STORE - MORNING Andrew drives to a store. He parks the car and walks into the store. He goes to the mineral water section. There are lots of brands but Andrew can’t seem to find the one he’s looking for. Andrew goes to the counter where there’s a CASHIER.
ANDREW
Where do you keep your Frizz
Delights?
CASHIER
It should be together with the
other brands of mineral water.
Second row, at the back.
ANDREW
It’s not there.
CASHIER
Oh. Well, that means we’re out.
Sorry.
ANDREW
(to himself)
Motherfucker.
CASHIER
But if you’re willing to wait,
we’re supposed to receive a
delivery of more Frizz Delights
today.
ANDREW
How long?
CASHIER
I don’t know. A couple of hours?
ANDREW
Motherfucker.
MISS FRANCINE (O.S.)
I know where you can get Frizz
Delights.
Andrew turns and sees MISS FRANCINE, a hot 25 years old woman, walking to the counter. She places a packet of lady’s pad on the counter and pays the cashier. Andrew looks at the pad.
ANDREW
Where?
MISS FRANCINE
There’s a supermarket 50 minutes
away. They never run out of Frizz
Delights.
ANDREW
(stunned)
50 minutes?
MISS FRANCINE
Well, you sounded desperate.
The cashier puts the pad in a bag and hands it to Miss Francine.
MISS FRANCINE (CONT'D)
(to cashier)
Thank you.
Miss Francine walks out. Andrew slowly walks out too, thinking hard. As Miss Francine is about to get in her car…
ANDREW
Which way?
Miss Francine, with a smile, points to where the supermarket is.
MISS FRANCINE
Is a bottle of mineral water really
worth 50 minutes of your time?
ANDREW
You know what they say about Frizz
Delight. Every drop...
MISS FRANCINE
...is a delight. Yeah.
Miss Francine gets in her car and drives away. Andrew thinks really hard while looking into the supermarket’s direction. After a moment…
ANDREW
(shakes his head)
No fucking way.
I/E. CAR/ROAD - MORNING Andrew is driving again. As he drives, he sees someone walking on the other side of the road, going the opposite direction. It’s Paul and he’s still in his underwear. Andrew slows down and stops the car. Through the rear view mirror, he looks at Paul, just walking along, trying to stop passing cars. Andrew thinks for a moment. It’s a tough decision… but Andrew makes a U-turn and drives near Paul. Paul stops walking once he sees Andrew.
ANDREW
Now, this may be a big fucking surprise
to you, but I don’t think anyone
would pick up a stranger walking on
the road in his underwear.
PAUL
I thought you didn’t give a shit.
ANDREW
Look man. I’m just trying to be
nice. Either you get in, or get
lost.
Paul gets in the car.
ANDREW (CONT'D)
Where to?
PAUL
The Big Frizz. You know where it
is?
ANDREW
The Big Frizz? The place where they
make Frizz Delights? The country’s
number one mineral water?
PAUL
Yeah.
ANDREW
Yeah, I know where it is.
PAUL
Well, step on it then. I’m in a
hurry.
Andrew drives.
I/E. VAN/ROAD - MORNING The Underwear Man at the back of the van slowly gains his consciousness. Once he’s fully awake, he gets out of the van and looks around. He is confused and bleeding.
UNDERWEAR MAN
Mr. Frizfurry?
Unable to take the pain and losing a lot of blood, the Underwear Man falls to the ground and passes out. At that moment, a huge truck passes by. The truck slows down and stops a few meters away from the van. Two truck drivers: TRUCK DRIVER 1 and TRUCK DRIVER 2 get down from the truck and run to the Underwear Man.
TRUCK DRIVER 1
What the fuck happened here?
TRUCK DRIVER 2
I just wanna know why he's
in his fucking underwear. Let's just
split, man!
TRUCK DRIVER 1
What the fuck is wrong with you?
He’s going to bleed to death. We
need to get him to a hospital.
TRUCK DRIVER 2
We don’t need this shit right now.
We got a delivery to make.
TRUCK DRIVER 1
Come on, man!
Truck Driver 1 tries to carry Underwear Man, but he’s too heavy.
TRUCK DRIVER 2 (CONT'D)
This is just fucking great. Why
don’t we go donate our sperms and
adopt some fucking orphans on our
way back?
TRUCK DRIVER 1
Shut the fuck up.
TRUCK DRIVER 2
We should be in Oprah for this shit.
Truck Driver 1 and 2 get Underwear Man into the truck. On the truck are the words: FRIZZ DELIGHT and a picture of PAUL, holding a bottle of Frizz Delight with a big smile and a thumbs up. Also on the picture, the words: EVERY DROP IS A DELIGHT.
INT. CAR - MORNING Andrew is driving at normal speed. Paul gets agitated.
PAUL
Is this as fast as you can go, or
are you waiting for the car to
recharge so that it can go at
warping speed?
Andrew glances at Paul.
ANDREW
What the fuck happened to you
anyway?
PAUL
I was robbed.
ANDREW
Really?
PAUL
Yeah. And this was supposed to be a
good, fucking day.
EXT. YOGA CLASS - MORNING [IN BLACK AND WHITE] The Underwear Man, fully clothed, with an expensive looking suit, is standing at the door. He is reading the paper. Then, his mobile phone rings. The Underwear Man answers it.
UNDERWEAR MAN
Hello? Yeah. Mr. Frizfurry’s busy
right now. He’s in yoga class.
INT. YOGA CLASS - CONTINUOUS [IN BLACK AND WHITE] Paul is having sex with his yoga instructor, the hot 25 years old Miss Francine.
MISS FRANCINE
Harder. Harder.
Paul goes in harder.
MISS FRANCINE
Deeper. Deeper damn it. Fuck me
like a horse.
Paul is taken aback. And goes in deeper.
MISS FRANCINE
Yes, that’s it. Oh, my God, that’s
it. Oh, you’re a fucking animal.
PAUL
(as he fucks)
Yes. Like a horse.
MISS FRANCINE
Like a horse. Yes.
PAUL
Yes.
I/E. YOGA CLASS - CONTINUOUS [IN BLACK AND WHITE] The Underwear Man is still reading the paper. Then suddenly, he hears, from inside, Paul neighing like a horse. The Underwear Man is shocked. His mobile phone rings and he answers it.
UNDERWEAR MAN
Hello? No, he’s busy. I’m sorry,
but… What? You’re kidding me. Hold on.
Underwear Man knocks on the door. He waits. Knocks on the door again and waits. Miss Francine, looking absolutely calmed and relaxed, and fully clothed, opens the door.
MISS FRANCINE
Yes?
UNDERWEAR MAN
There’s an urgent call for Mr.
Frizfurry.
Miss Francine lets Underwear Man in. The Underwear Man walks in and sees Paul attempting a yoga bend.
UNDERWEAR MAN (CONT'D)
Mr. Frizfurry... phone call.
PAUL
I told you I didn’t want to be
disturbed. Is it my wife?
UNDERWEAR MAN
No. It's from the office. I think you should take
this.
Paul sighs and answers the phone.
PAUL
Paul here. What is it? What?!! Are you fucking kidding me?
INT. CAR - MORNING Back to the present where Paul is telling his story to Andrew.
PAUL
She was a fantastic fuck, but I had
to cut it short. Major problems at
the factory.
ANDREW
You work at The Big Frizz?
PAUL
Work?
(snickers)
What’s your name?
ANDREW
What’s it to you?
PAUL
I’m just asking. You don’t have to
be so fucking rude.
ANDREW
Andrew.
PAUL
Andrew, I’m Paul Frizfurry. I own
The Big Frizz. Frizz Delight is my
product. My baby.
Andrew hits on the brake.
ANDREW
Are you fucking with me?
PAUL
No, I’m not fucking with you and I
don’t plan to fuck with you anytime
soon.
Andrew keeps staring at Paul.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Would you please get going?
Andrew starts driving again. He’s shocked.
PAUL
So, as I was saying… major problems at the factory.
I/E. MERCEDES/ROAD - MORNING [IN BLACK AND WHITE] Paul is at the back seat, with an expensive suit on him. He’s on the phone. The Underwear Man is driving.
PAUL
(yelling into phone)
You’re the fucking manager. You’re
supposed to be managing my fucking
company. Well, if you’re so good at your
fucking job, why don’t you explain
to me how I lost half a million
dollars of products in one fucking
day? What the fuck do you mean you’re
sorry? Your sorry means fucking
shit to me. I don’t fucking want it. I want my
fucking money back. You better
figure out a fucking solution by
the time I get there, or I’m gonna
fire your fucking ass.
Paul violently hangs up. Suddenly the car stops. Paul looks to the front and sees why Underwear Man stopped the car. A white van has blocked the Mercedes’ path.
PAUL (CONT'D)
(to Underwear Man)
What’s going on?
UNDERWEAR MAN
I don’t know, Mr. Frizfurry.
Then, a man comes out of the van. It’s the PISSED DRIVER. He signals to the Underwear Man, asking him to come to the van.
UNDERWEAR MAN (CONT'D)
I think he’s calling me.
PAUL
Well, if he thinks we’re getting
out of this car, he’s out of his
fucking mind. Drive around the van
and keep going.
The Underwear Man moves the car a little to the back. And as he slowly tries to go around the van, the Pissed Driver goes to the van and pulls out a baseball bat. He then runs to the Mercedes and smashes the windshield. The Mercedes halts and the Pissed Driver opens the door and hits Underwear Man on the head. Underwear Man passes out. Pissed Driver looks at the terrified Paul.
PISSED DRIVER
Get out! Get the fuck out!
Paul just sits there.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Are you deaf? Get out of the
fucking car right now!
Pissed Driver hits the car roof with his baseball bat.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Now, bitch!
Paul gets out of the car.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Get your driver out of the car too.
Paul just stands there.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Do it, or I’ll fucking kill you!
Pissed Driver hits the car roof again. Paul carries Underwear Man out of the car.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Carry him to the back of the van.
Paul does as told and places Underwear Man in the back of the van.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
You get in too.
PAUL
Just take the car and go. I won’t
get in your way.
PISSED DRIVER
You have a big fucking mouth. Did I
ask you to talk?
Paul doesn’t say a word.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Did I ask you to talk, bitch?
PAUL
No.
PISSED DRIVER
Then don’t talk! Get the fuck in!
Paul gets in the back of the van.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Now, undress him...
(points to Underwear Man)
...and then undress yourself.
As Paul is about to open his mouth to protest, the Pissed Driver cuts him off.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
What?!
(hits the van with his
bat)
What?! You wanna say something?!
Come on! Open your fucking mouth! I
dare you, bitch! Open it!
Paul remains silent.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Your clothes’. Now.
Paul begins to undress Underwear Man.
INT. CAR - MORNING Andrew is listening to Paul’s tragic story.
PAUL
It was the lowest point of my life.
It wasn’t only embarrassing or
terrifying... it was disgusting.
(looks at his right hand)
I accidentally touched his balls.
Thank God for underwears.
ANDREW
Where is he anyway?
PAUL
Who?
ANDREW
Your driver.
PAUL
I left him in the van.
ANDREW
Really? Wow. That’s fucking
fantastic. I’m sure you’ll win the
‘Employer of The Year’ award for
your selfless and courageous act.
PAUL
What? Come on. He’s fine.
ANDREW
Fine? He got hit in the head with a
fucking baseball bat.
PAUL
I’ll send someone to get him once I
get to the office.
ANDREW
Hooray for Paul.
PAUL
Shut the fuck up.
EXT. ROAD - MORNING [IN BLACK AND WHITE] Paul, now in his underwear, hands both his and Underwear Man’s suit to Pissed Driver.
PISSED DRIVER
Thank you fucking much.
Pissed Driver searches the pockets of the suits. He then pulls out a wallet from one of the suits. He looks into the wallet and is overwhelmed with joy.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
God must love me.
Pissed Driver looks at the two men in their underwear.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Don’t move a muscle until I’m gone.
And Pissed Driver closes the door.
I/E. VAN/ROAD - CONTINUOUS [IN BLACK AND WHITE] Paul just sits there, waiting and listening. He hears the Mercedes door closing. The car engine starts. And a few seconds later, it drives away. Paul waits for a while, then slowly opens the door and gets out of the van. He looks around. Pissed Driver is gone and so is the Mercedes. Paul takes a deep breath and looks at his watch. He goes to the driver’s seat of the van and sees that the key is in the ignition. He starts the van and drives.
INT. CAR - MORNING Paul ends his story. Andrew is a little surprised.
PAUL
And you know what happened next.
ANDREW
It was a Mercedes?
PAUL
Yup.
ANDREW
Smashed windshield? Dented roof?
PAUL
That’s my car. Why?
ANDREW
The motherfucker who did this to my
car drove the same kind of
Mercedes.
PAUL
You’re fucking kidding me.
ANDREW
And he used a baseball bat.
Andrew shakes his head. They both try to swallow this fact, and after a few seconds…
ANDREW & PAUL
Un-fucking-believable.
EXT. ALLEY - MORNING Miss Francine is waiting in her car. She looks nervous. Then, comes another car. Paul’s Mercedes. The car stops next to Miss Francine’s car. The Pissed Driver gets out of the car and so does Miss Francine.
MISS FRANCINE
You did it?
PISSED DRIVER
Yeah, I did it.
Miss Francine gets extremely happy and hugs Pissed Driver.
MISS FRANCINE
I told you this would work.
PISSED DRIVER
Yeah, you did.
And they both start kissing and making out. Then…
MISS FRANCINE
What did you get?
PISSED DRIVER
Besides the car? Two expensive
suits and six grand in cash.
MISS FRANCINE
How much do you think we can get
for the car?
PISSED DRIVER
Well, taking into consideration the
smashed windshield and damaged
roof, I’d say... more than enough.
MISS FRANCINE
I love you so much.
PISSED DRIVER
I love you too.
And they kiss again.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Alright.
(gives Miss Francine
money)
Here. Go shopping.
MISS FRANCINE
(more than happy)
Thank you.
Pissed Driver goes to the Mercedes.
PISSED DRIVER
I better get the car to a safe
place before the police start
looking for it. I’ll see you
tonight, babe.
MISS FRANCINE
Okay. Hey, baby?
PISSED DRIVER
Yeah?
MISS FRANCINE
What did you do to Paul? You didn’t
hurt him did you?
Pissed Driver looks at Miss Francine for a moment. Then…
PISSED DRIVER
No.
MISS FRANCINE
(smiles)
Oh, okay.
PISSED DRIVER
Why?
MISS FRANCINE
No reason. I just asked.
Pissed Driver keeps staring at Miss Francine. Miss Francine gets a little nervous.
MISS FRANCINE (CONT'D)
What?
PISSED DRIVER
You planned this whole thing. You
wanted me to rob the son of a
bitch. And now, all of a sudden,
you’re concerned about his wellbeing?
MISS FRANCINE
(stutters)
I... I...
PISSED DRIVER
Are you fucking him?
MISS FRANCINE
What?
PISSED DRIVER
You heard me. Are you fucking him?
MISS FRANCINE
No!
Pissed Driver gets into the car and sits for a while. He’s thinking hard about something.
MISS FRANCINE (CONT'D)
Baby?
PISSED DRIVER
You’re lying to me.
Pissed Driver grabs the infamous baseball bat from the backseat and walks toward Miss Francine.
MISS FRANCINE
(terrified)
Baby, what are you doing?
PISSED DRIVER
You’re fucking him aren’t you?
MISS FRANCINE
No.
PISSED DRIVER
Don’t lie to me!
Pissed Driver pins Miss Francine against her car.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Are you fucking him?!
MISS FRANCINE
No.
Pissed Driver raises his bat, ready to swing it at Miss Francine. Miss Francine realizes her situation and starts crying.
PISSED DRIVER
Are you fucking him? Tell me the
truth!
MISS FRANCINE
(begging)
Baby, please.
PISSED DRIVER
Tell me the truth! Are you fucking
him?!
Miss Francine starts crying like a baby.
MISS FRANCINE
Baby...
PISSED DRIVER
Tell me! Say, yes! Say, yes! Tell
me the truth. Are you fucking him?!
Say, yes!
MISS FRANCINE
(gives in)
Yes! Yes!
PISSED DRIVER
Are you fucking him?!
MISS FRANCINE
(screams)
Yes! I’m fucking him! I’m fucking
him!
Miss Francine may have just wet herself. She cries uncontrollably. Pissed Driver, shocked himself, slowly calms down and lowers his bat.
PISSED DRIVER
That’s all you needed to tell me.
The truth.
Pissed Driver slowly walks to the Mercedes and sits on the hood.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
Just tell me the truth...
(beat)
...because the truth will set you
free.
Pissed Driver throws his bat into the car and gets in the car too.
PISSED DRIVER (CONT'D)
I never wanna see you again.
MISS FRANCINE
But baby, I love you.
PISSED DRIVER
Fuck yourself.
And Pissed Driver drives off, leaving Miss Francine there, crying alone.
INT. CAR - MORNING Andrew comes to a traffic light at a crossroads. It’s YELLOW. Andrew slows down and stops. Paul, who notices what Andrew just did, is shocked.
PAUL
What the fuck are you doing?
ANDREW
What?
PAUL
You stopped the fucking car.
ANDREW
Yeah. So?
PAUL
Why the fuck did you stop the
fucking car?
ANDREW
It’s a red light, damn it!
PAUL
You stopped before it turned red.
ANDREW
That’s because it was yellow, you
fucking idiot.
PAUL
Who the fuck stops at a yellow
light?
ANDREW
Fuckers who do not want to get
killed in car crashes.
PAUL
Didn’t I tell you I was in a hurry?
This fucking light will take
forever to change.
ANDREW
Yellow means slow down and stop.
Have you ever been to driving
school before? Do you have a
fucking driver’s license? You don’t even
drive your own fucking car.
PAUL
Will you just shut the fuck up and
drive?
ANDREW
No!
PAUL
God! What the fuck will it take for
you to move the fucking car now?
ANDREW
What? You wanna fucking pay me?
PAUL
I’m a millionaire. Name your price.
Andrew looks hard at Paul, thinking. Then…
ANDREW
Alright. I’ll tell you what I want.
PAUL
What?
ANDREW
I want Frizz Delights.
PAUL
Frizz Delights?
ANDREW
That’s right. A whole year’s supply
of Frizz Delights. That’s what I
want.
PAUL
(extremely confused)
You want a year’s supply of mineral
water?
ANDREW
Exactly.
PAUL
I’m a millionaire.
ANDREW
Yeah, so?
PAUL
You’re a fucking idiot.
ANDREW
If that’s too much...
PAUL
...no. You got a deal. A year’s
supply of Frizz Delights. Just move
the fucking car now.
Andrew puts the car in gear.
ANDREW
Thank you fucking much.
Andrew drives just one metre to the front and BANG! A bigtruck hits the left side of the car, crushing it like an empty can of Coke. The truck stops. It’s the same Frizz Delight truck which picked up Underwear Man earlier. Truck Driver 1 and 2 get out of the truck and walk to the crushed car. There's blood on the windscreen and there is no movement whatsoever in the car.
TRUCK DRIVER 1
Fine? Look at all the fucking
blood.
Suddenly, Underwear Man, still a little dizzy, gets down from the truck.
UNDERWEAR MAN
Hey, what’s going on?
Truck Driver 1 and 2 turn to see Underwear Man.
TRUCK DRIVER 2
Nothing. Go back to sleep.
UNDERWEAR MAN
(notices the crushed car)
Is that a crushed car?
TRUCK DRIVER 2
(nervous)
No. What the fuck are you talking
about? You’re hallucinating.
Underwear Man sits on the ground. He looks like he’s about to faint again.
UNDERWEAR MAN
My head hurts.
Truck Driver 1 goes near Underwear Man.
TRUCK DRIVER 1
You’ve lost a lot of blood. We’re
gonna take you to a hospital.
UNDERWEAR MAN
Why is there a crushed car in front
of the truck?
TRUCK DRIVER 1
We had an accident.
TRUCK DRIVER 2
Shut the fuck up, man.
TRUCK DRIVER 1
You shut the fuck up. And call an
ambulance.
TRUCK DRIVER 2
I’m not calling anybody. I’m not
going to jail for this shit.
TRUCK DRIVER 1
You stupid fuck! We wouldn’t be in
this situation if you had listened
to me and slowed down at the
fucking yellow light!
TRUCK DRIVER 2
Fuck!
UNDERWEAR MAN
Where’s Mr. Frizfurry?
TRUCK DRIVER 1
Who?
UNDERWEAR MAN
My boss, Mr. Frizfurry.
TRUCK DRIVER 1
I don’t know, man. But I’m sure
he’s fine. Come on...
(helps Underwear Man get
up)
...let’s get you back in the truck.
Truck Driver 1 sees his friend, Truck Driver 2 walking around the crushed car with his hands on his head. He’s just nervous to death.
TRUCK DRIVER 1 (CONT'D)
Will you call the fucking
ambulance, for God’s sake?
Truck Driver 2 sits on the ground, staring at the crushed car.
TRUCK DRIVER 2
(almost in tears)
I’m sorry.
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE IN: INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING Andrew’s Mom is still watching TV. She looks at the clock.
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING Andrew’s Mom walks into the messy room. She sees the porn magazine on the bed and squirms. She then sits on the bed and looks at a few framed photos on the table next to the bed. She picks up a photo of a very young Andrew, smiling his heart out. Andrew’s Mom smiles the same way at the sight of the picture. She then hugs the photo and looks out the window, waiting for her precious son to return.
This is a stage play I wrote for a competition which I didn’t win. This play is just my interpretation of how racism makes the world go round; not necessarily pleasing everyone in the process. We are, after all, always looking out for No.1
A Company of Pride by Suresh Ramskay
SCENE I, ACT I – HALL
(MR. GANAPATHY, a man in his forties, is standing behind a podium, a microphone in his hand. Facing him is a seated crowd of sixty five people. In that crowd: MOHAN, AZAD and NURUL; all in their late twenties.)
MR. GANAPATHY
Well, it’s been an exciting two weeks but your training cum job interview ends today. As promised, out of the sixty five of you here, five trainees will be offered a permanent position in our firm. The rest of you need not fret as you will be in our KIV list for future openings. These are the five chosen ones, in no particular order: Faisal, Zainal, Jamal, Mohan and Nurul. Congratulations to the five of you. We’ll be seeing you again next Monday. Dear trainees, it was a great pleasure having all of you here.
(Mr. Ganapathy exits the stage. The crowd begins chattering amongst themselves. Both Azad and Nurul stand up. As Azad hurriedly exits the stage, he bumps into Nurul.)
NURUL
Bodoh lah.
(Azad exits without saying a word. Nurul, spawning a tiny smile on her face, walks over to Mohan and shakes his hand.)
NURUL
Congrats, Mohan.
MOHAN
Congratulations to you too, Nurul.
NURUL
I dah agak you mesti dapat this job.
MOHAN
Why would you agak something like that?
NURUL
You’re the only non-Malay in this bunch. You must have seen this coming.
MOHAN
You don’t really believe that, do you?
(Nurul smiles sheepishly at Mohan, who smiles back.)
SCENE I, ACT II - ENCIK HAMID’S OFFICE
(ENCIK HAMID, a man in his mid-fifties, is seated behind his desk. Azad is facing him, standing, and very upset.)
ENCIK HAMID
Apa yang kamu sedang merepek ni, Azad?
AZAD
Encik Hamid, Hindu tu...
ENCIK HAMID
Azad, watch your mouth.
AZAD
(sighs)
That Mohan... dia masuk firm ni baru dua minggu. He has no experience whatsoever in the way things are run here. Many of us, including me, have been your apprentice for almost a year. Pengalaman kami jauh berlambak daripada dia. We’re a zillion times better than him. But somehow dia boleh jadi top five, while the rest of us are now just names on your substitute list. What the hell is going on, Encik Hamid?
ENCIK HAMID
Kamu pernah terfikir tak that maybe the young man has worked hard and smart to get this job?
AZAD
Oh, bullshit lah.
ENCIK HAMID
I will not hesitate to send you out that door if you use that kind of language with me again.
AZAD
Encik Hamid, you weren’t there during the two weeks training. You don’t know him like we do. That Mohan is a phony. Dia tu poyo. Bengap.
ENCIK HAMID
Azad, what are you getting at?
AZAD
I think Mr. Ganapathy is being too nice to him for very, very obvious reasons.
ENCIK HAMID
You’re making these assumptions simply because Mohan is the only non-Malay in the group.
AZAD
I’m making an official complaint, Encik Hamid. You have to do something about this.
ENCIK HAMID
I think we’re done here.
AZAD
Jangan menyesal nanti.
ENCIK HAMID
Saya sibuk sekarang. Would you please...?
(Azad stares hard at Encik Hamid before exiting the stage, clearly discontented.)
SCENE II, ACT II - HALL
(There’s still chattering among the crowd. Mohan and Nurul are still conversing. Azad enters and walks toward Mohan.)
AZAD
Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, sila ambil perhatian. I have an announcement to make.
MOHAN
What’s going on?
AZAD
Mohan, would you please stand up? We have some unresolved issues.
MOHAN
(standing up)
What unresolved issues?
(Mr. Ganapathy enters, looking confused.)
MR. GANAPATHY
Is there a problem here?
AZAD
Mr. Ganapathy, how nice of you to join us.
(addressing the crowd)
Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan. I know that you are all angry and upset about the atrocity that has taken place today. So I say, let us speak up and let them know that we are PISSED.
MR. GANAPATHY
What atrocity?
AZAD
Giving Mohan a job. That atrocity. He does not deserve to be working for this firm. It is the most mengarut thing ever. Everyone here has thought it. I’m just saying it out loud.
MR. GANAPATHY
You don’t have to be a sore loser. Have some dignity.
AZAD
Mr. Ganapathy talking about dignity? After what you’ve done?
MR. GANAPATHY
What are you talking about?
AZAD
Kami semua kat sini dah kerja macam kerbau siang dan malam trying for this job.
MOHAN
And what in the hell makes you think I didn’t?
AZAD
I’m not saying you didn’t. I said KAMI SEMUA, didn’t I? So, what makes you so special? Both you and I know there are others more qualified than you. I’m one of them. So my question is this: Kenapa gunakan sistem kuota dalam pemilihan ini, Mr. Ganapathy?
MR. GANAPATHY
You’re crossing the line.
AZAD
Admit it, Ganapathy. You only picked Mohan because he’s an Indian.
MR. GANAPATHY
How dare you suggest such a thing?
AZAD
Ah, sudah lah, Ganapathy. You can cut the crap now.
MR. GANAPATHY
I wasn’t the only one who chose Mohan. I’m part of a committee. A multi-racial committee which, without prejudice, picked five of the top performers without giving regard to race and religion.
AZAD
Spare me the Negaraku moment lah, macha.
MR. GANAPATHY
What did you call me, you racist son of a bitch?
AZAD
I’m the racist? You’re the bloody racist who can’t even buat keputusan yang adil dan saksama because skin colour dah butakan your bloody eyes.
MOHAN
Hey, you wanna talk about the quota system? Why are you looking at it from a racial point of view? Nurul is the only female among the five of us. You look me in the eyes and tell me she really deserves that spot. You can’t because you know as well as I do, that girl is a waste of spot.
NURUL
Mohan, what the hell?
MOHAN
But I guess you’ll never agree that this quota system, if there is one, is a gender based system because Nurul is a Melayu and you are a racist. Hipokrit.
NURUL
Mohan, you shut up.
AZAD
Nurul, kau jangan masuk campur.
NURUL
Kau pun shut up jugak lah, bodoh. Kenapa kau tak nak aku masuk campur? Because I don’t have dicks like you guys? Hey, Mohan. You ingat because I’m a Malay woman, I’m stupid is it?
MOHAN
I didn’t call you stupid. And it’s not because you’re a Malay woman. It’s because you’re a woman.
NURUL
Oh, well. I guess that makes everything better, doesn’t it? You sexist piece of shit.
MOHAN
I’m not a sexist. I was just trying to make a point.
NURUL
Do you know how hard it is being a woman in this country?
AZAD
Nurul, will you please tutup your yap hole? I’m trying to fight for our rights.
NURUL
To hell lah with your rights. The moment I saw Mohan on the first day, I knew this was going to happen. I absolutely agree with you, Azad. It IS unfair. But we’ve been doing this to them for ages. Don’t really fancy the taste of your own medicine, eh?
AZAD
What are you talking about?
NURUL
Oh, I give up. All men are bodoh.
(Nurul storms off.)
NURUL
See you on Monday, Mr. Ganapathy.
MR. GANAPATHY
Uh, yeah. Okay.
(Nurul exits the stage.)
MOHAN
Look. If this is how you guys really feel, then I quit. I tak nak perbesarkan benda ni lagi. I’ve had enough. Mr. Ganapathy, you can give my spot to someone else.
MR. GANAPATHY
Excuse me? Don’t tell me what to do, Mohan. I’ve made my decision. Azad, I suggest you leave the premises before I call security.
AZAD
I’m not leaving until I get some kind of keadilan.
MR. GANAPATHY
I know politicians who could be a great deal of help to you, Azad. SECURITY!
(Security officers enter.)
MR. GANAPATHY
Please show Tok Janggut here the way out.
(Security officers grab Azad by his arms and begin to drag him off stage. Azad is struggling to release himself from their clutches.)
AZAD
Ini tak adil. MELAYU BOLEH! MELAYU BOLEH!
(The security officers and Azad exit the stage as Mohan, Mr. Ganapathy and everyone else look in disbelief.)
SCENE I, ACT III - MR. GANAPATHY’S OFFICE
(Mr. Ganapathy and Mohan enter. Mr. Ganapathy takes an envelope from his desk and passes it to Mohan.)
MR. GANAPATHY
Your appointment letter.
MOHAN
Thank you, Mr. Ganapathy.
(as he slowly walks to leave)
See you on Monday.
MR. GANAPATHY
Don’t ever do that again, Mohan.
MOHAN
(stops walking)
Do what?
MR. GANAPATHY
Back down. Give in. I didn’t go through so much trouble kissing ass and convincing my peers you deserve the job so that you could hand it back to them on a silver platter.
MOHAN
What are you talking about?
MR. GANAPATHY
Mohan, you’re one of the worst performers in this group of sixty five. You lack character. You lack confidence. You’re an idiot. Half of the time, I have no fucking clue to what you’re talking about. But still, to see one Indian competing against all those belacans and then having to reject that only Indian wasn’t acceptable. Not to me. You take this job and you act like you deserve it. You work hard and make us Indians proud.
(Mohan, dumbfounded, slowly exits the stage. Mr. Ganapathy sits behind his desk, leans back against his chair and starts whistling to the tune of ‘Jai Ho’.)
